We, the survivors of Arowyn Kusaj are demanding accountability.

For safety, identities of survivors have been redacted from the public.
Some incidents cover multiple topics so to prevent repetition, incidents are placed into categories that best fit them. Categories may contain overlap but content warnings should cover what's inside.Everything is alleged.

Egregious Actions

Not Abuse - Still Sucked

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Abuse

Definitions

Physical abuse is any intentional act causing injury or trauma to another person by way of bodily contact. [source]
Domestic abuse (aka domestic violence or intimate partner violence) is abuse that occurs in a domestic setting, such as in a marriage or cohabitation. Domestic violence is committed by one of the people in an intimate relationship against the other person, and can take place in relationships or between former spouses or partners. In its broadest sense, domestic violence also involves violence against children, parents, or the elderly. It can assume multiple forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religious, reproductive, financial abuse, or sexual abuse, or combinations of these. It can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and other violent physical abuse, such as choking and beating that may result in disfigurement or death. This also includes the use of technology to harass, control, monitor, stalk or hack. [source]
Psychological abuse (aka emotional abuse, mental abuse, or psychological violence), is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another person to a behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, clinical depression or post-traumatic stress disorder amongst other psychological problems. It is often associated with situations of power imbalance in abusive relationships, and may include bullying, gaslighting, abuse in the workplace, amongst other behaviors that may cause an individual to feel unsafe. [source]
Economic abuse is a form of abuse when one abusive person has control over the victims access to economic resources, which diminishes the victim's capacity to support themselves and forces them to depend on the perpetrator financially. Economic abuse also includes the control of someone's present or future earning potential by preventing them from obtaining a job or education (which is different from financial abuse). [source]

Statements

"they made me homeless when they had a home themself, gaslit me constantly, would become very easily angered and scream at me for something as small as putting their jewelry somewhere different, posted revenge porn of me and refused to take it down" 11/27/24

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Coercive Control

Definitions

Coercive control is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim. This also includes patterns of controlling behaviors that create an unequal power dynamic in a relationship. These behaviors give the perpetrator power over their partner, making it difficult for them to leave.[source] [source]
Reproductive coercion (aka coerced reproduction, reproductive control or reproductive abuse) is a collection of behaviors that interfere with decision-making related to reproductive health. These behaviors are often perpetrated by a current, former, or hopeful intimate or romantic partner, but they can also be perpetrated by parents or in-laws, or by policies of institutions or government. Coercive behaviors infringe on individuals' reproductive rights and reduce their reproductive autonomy. Reproductive coercion can include pregnancy coercion, birth control sabotage, and controlling the outcome of a pregnancy. Reproductive coercion and intimate partner violence are strongly correlated; however, reproductive coercion can occur in relationships in which physical and sexual violence are not reported. Reproductive coercion and unintended pregnancy are strongly associated, and this association is stronger in individuals who have experienced intimate partner violence. While research remains fragmentary, women in abusive relationships are at higher risk of reproductive coercion and unintended pregnancies. Reproductive coercion is considered a serious public health issue. Negative outcomes include poor mental health, unintended pregnancy, unwanted abortion, and sexually transmitted diseases. Unwanted pregnancy has negative effects on families and children. [source]

Screenshots

[ALT TEXT] Screenshot of a text conversation. Message from screenshotting party, sent at 10:14am, reads "then why are you trying to fight this. If I've been awful to you then let me go." Responses (from arowyn) are extremely rapid fire and numerous. first message at 10:14 "wow" separate text at 10:15 "why would you even" separate text at 10:15 "Why" separate text at 10:15 "I just cant" separate text at 10:15 "You're wrecking my fucking heart." separate text at 10:16 "If you're going to do this I dont understand why you have to be mean" separate text at 10:37 "Why" separate text at 10:37 "Dont fucking do this" separate text at 10:37 "Why are you doing this" separate text at 10:37 "You sadistic" separate text at 10:37 "Why tf" separate text at 10:37 "Why" separate text at 10:38 "This is awfule" separate text at but the timestamp got cut off "you have no idea what you're putting me through"

[ALT TEXT] These texts from Arowyn are rapid fire. It starts with them sending, at 10:28, "Please" separate text at 10:28 "I didnt say goodbye right" separate text at 10:29 "You have to at least let me say goodbye over the phone" separate text at 10:29 "I didnt do it right" separate text at 10:29 "I wanted to hug you again and kiss you again" separate text at 10:30 "I knew that was gonna be the last time I saw you and I didnt do it right" separate text at 10:30 "I know this is unhealthy, but I'm trying to help make it healthy" separate text where the timestamp is cut off. The second image is the same conversation and it starts with Arowyn sending, at 10:30, "I wasnt trying to tell you that you dont deserve nice things" separate text at 10:30 "Please" separate text at 10:30 "Please help me" separate text at 10:30 "I'm fucking panicking" separate text at 10:30 "I'm losing my fucking shit" separate text at 10:30 "Please don't do this" separate text at 10:30 "Pleasee" separate text where the timestamp is cut off but probably at 10:30 "I dodmt get to say goodbye right

Sexual Assault

Definitions

Sexual assault is an act of sexual abuse in which one intentionally sexually touches another person without that person's consent, or coerces or physically forces a person to engage in a sexual act against their will. It is a form of sexual violence that includes child sexual abuse, groping, rape (forced sexual penetration, no matter how slight), drug facilitated sexual assault, and the torture of the person in a sexual manner. [source]
Sexual abuse (aka sex abuse) is abusive sexual behavior by one person upon another. It is often perpetrated using physical force, or by taking advantage of another. Sexual abuse is a term used for a persistent pattern of sexual assaults. The offender is referred to as a sexual abuser. Live streaming sexual abuse involves trafficking and coerced sexual acts, and/or rape, in real time on webcam. [source]

Statements

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

Screenshots

[ALT TEXT] Screenshot of texts that a phone sent out of order. I will do my best to type them in order to save you the trouble. Texts read: "do you know how scary it is to not see the person you're madly in love with for a week and a half to come back to them not being there? I'm so fucking scared for you [redacted]. When I saw you I wanted to just break down and have you hold me while I cried but you were just gone. You were in a whole other world, then the same thing the next day. My first time hanging out with you and you decided to let your mind leave for the day. It scares me so fucking badly. I've cried at night since then remembering the way you were acting. Like its fucking scary to see someone you love wo fucked up they cant even stand straight or remember what you were [cuts off] like you couldn't even exchange pleasantries with me. You couldn't even pretend you were happy to see me and be around me. Everyone asked me if you were okay and I had to go through the entire night knowing things are fucking shit between us and I couldn't talk to anyone about it. They dont hate you, they just see that you're fucking falling apart and see that it destroys me to watch it and not be able to do anything about it. They're worried about you. They're worried (cuts off)" [Break in texts as midnight hits: date reads: Sunday, February 5, 2017] Screenshotter responds at 12.37am, "if you were so upset about me being fucked up, why did we have sex? Also I'm p sure I was more damaged by me doing drugs. Again, try sympathy." Arowyn responds at 12.38am "you had control over or not you did drugs. Theres a big difference." At 12.40am they send another two texts "you said you weren't that fucked up. I probably made a bad judgement call [missing text due to out of order messages] around and bring that up now.. [redacted] its 1am a d you havent messaged me in over an hour and you start with basically implying I assaulted you."

[ALT TEXT] Screenshot of a text conversation. at 1:33pm Arowyn says: "I really didnt mean to phrase it like that. I'm sorry I really need you to think about it... objectively? I really didnt intend to rape you. I've literally told you how everytime we have sex is something that's fucking magical for me. I love you. I didnt realize you were so intoxicated. I wasnt trying to have a fuck. I miss you I hadnt seen you in 10 days and I wanted to feel connected to you. I wanted to feel close to you. I just wanted to hold you and have our skin touch and make you feel good. It wasnt some malicious thing..." Screenshotter responds at 1.35pm "I understand it wasnt malicious. Thank you for being honest. I can completely understand where you were coming from. I do however need it acknowledged that I really shouldn't have been having sex that day."Arowyn responds at 1.37pm "I'm sorry I didnt iterate it in that exact way. I do admit that, looking back on it. I have said that in that past I probably did fuck up and we shouldn't have had sex... I've said that more than once now." Screenshotter responds at 1.38pm "Okay. Thank you for acknowledging the situation, its noted. And thank you for speaking about it with me." Text messages from the person screenshotting at 1.59pm "I should not have been having sex. I see that now. I had no idea how high I was but guess what, all that shit you sent me about being to high, completely fucking correct. I do not remember shit. And you admitted that. That's all you wanted to talk about before I brought up that I was concerned that we had sex anyway. The transition is terrifying." 2.00pm "'people like you' stop fucking abusing people. Stop fuckkmg assaulting people. Do not text me anymore. I have work to do."

Revenge Porn

Definitions

Sexual assault is an act of sexual abuse in which one intentionally sexually touches another person without that person's consent, or coerces or physically forces a person to engage in a sexual act against their will. It is a form of sexual violence that includes child sexual abuse, groping, rape (forced sexual penetration, no matter how slight), drug facilitated sexual assault, and the torture of the person in a sexual manner. [source]
Revenge porn is the distribution of sexually explicit images or videos of individuals without their consent, with the punitive intention to create public humiliation or character assassination out of revenge against the victim. The material may have been made by an ex-partner from an intimate relationship with the knowledge and consent of the subject at the time, or it may have been made without their knowledge. The subject may have experienced sexual violence during the recording of the material, in some cases facilitated by psychoactive chemicals such as date rape drugs which also cause a reduced sense of pain and involvement in the sexual act, dissociative effects and amnesia. [source]

Statements

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

Screenshots

Suicide Threats

Definitions

Suicidal threat means saying or doing something that reveals a self-destructive desire. While threats may not be serious and are made sometimes by people who merely are seeking attention and/or trying to manipulate others, all threats should be taken seriously. [source] But what if your partner regularly threatens suicide, particularly whenever you’re not doing something they want you to do, or when you’re trying to leave the relationship? This is a form of emotional abuse – your partner is trying to manipulate you by playing on your feelings of love and fear for them. [source] When your partner threatens to kill themselves when things don’t go their way, they’re not showing you love – they’re likely trying to control your actions. [source] It’s relatively common for perpetrators of family violence to threaten suicide to control a victim-survivor’s actions. A study by the Australian Institute of Criminology suggests 39% of women who experience coercive control are subject to perpetrators’ threats of self-harm. [source]

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

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Destroying Vehicles

"OH YEAH AND AROWYN TOTALED MY CAR AND LIED ABIUT WHAT CAUSED IT! they promised they would get me a new car, any car, I wasn’t picky at that point. Instead they bought themself and ran through THREE CARS after that. And would complain to me about sitting around an doing nothing. LIKE BITCH IM BROKE AND CARLESS THANKS TO YOY! I had that car for 2 or 3 months. They told me the car hydroplaned, come to find out form several of their friends that they were absolutely texting. The car was $5k. That was a lot of fucking money for me. They did it while I was ON A WORK TRIP and ofc I told them NOT TO USE MY CAR" statement given 11/27/24

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Cosplaying Homelessness

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

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Cheating

"we were polyamorous as well but the ONE AND ONLY time they communicated to me that they wanted to sleep with somebody (or that they had already slept with somebody) was after I was like 'I feel like my one polyamorous boundary would be for us to not sleep with our exes' and then they came to me very shortly after and were like 'actually i wanna have sex with my ex!' and when i was like 'owch hey please don't that hurts' they told me I was abusive for telling them what to do with their body and that they were breaking up with me. they were EXTREMELY cold and sudden in doing this it was like they had completely shut me out and they barely even looked at me. they proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the night and smile at their phone chatting with their ex. then the next day they packed a bag and left for I think three(?) days and during one those three days apparently they were walking down the street with their ex and saw something that reminded them of me and they loudly started crying 'OMG [redacted] LOVES THESE!! 😭😭' and by doing this, they got their ex to comfort them even though they were the whole entire reason we were broken up. then they had sex with their ex and didn't tell them that we had chlamydia (due to Arowyn cheating on me with someone else and not telling me). I had to tell the ex about the STD. never found out who gave it to us though." statement given 11/14/24"we were open but Arowyn would decide to have other partners, completely disregarding what I thought of them. Which okay cool yeah we’re open but holy shit communicate with me? Not just me coming home from a work trip to them being like 'oh by the way I have a new girlfriend'… that happened twice 🤪" statement given 11/27/24"they cheated on me on my birthday three months into us dating and I knew it when it happened and I confronted them about it and they lied until the end of our relationship when I asked the person specifically. it started with them introducing me to the person they'd eventually cheat on me with. they were sweet and there was no bad blood at first. but while hanging out, they made a joke about how they'd hooked up in the past. when the person said this, Arowyn made the guilty face I came to know very well. They felt guilty because a week prior they had blown up at me for not telling them that I cuddled somebody in my car six months before me and Arowyn even met. So when they decided to not tell me that I was about to hang out with someone they'd hooked up with, I thought that the pairing of those two incidents was odd. I confronted them about it and I can't remember the excuses they gave but it was enough to convince me to leave it alone. Then came my birthday. Its towards the end of October so my birthday often falls around the time that Halloween parties are being hosted. We had just been living in my car for three months and finally had a roof over our head so when they asked to borrow my car to go to a halloween party alone, I said that was fine and that I'd have a good time playing sims curled up in bed. they were thrilled. at this point in time I wasn't asking very many questions and it made them very happy. I trusted them way too much. they went to the halloween party and messaged me when they were leaving to let me know they were giving a friend a ride home. I didn't see their face until an hour and a half later. the party was not far away. the place the person was being dropped off at was not far away. I knew something was off when they walked back in the door and I saw their guilty face again. they lied and lied and lied and unfortunately it was enough for me to not ask anymore questions for a while. then the person they had introduced me to as someone they "hooked up with once" and that was it, needed a place to live and I had a spare room. when I offered it to them, Arowyn FREAKED OUT. they were so mad at me and coming up with ANY excuse to try to keep them from living under the same roof as me (they were no longer living with me and couldn't observe / control the narrative anymore). I thought this was weird at the time but unfortunately didn't make the connection. towards the end of our relationship I discovered that the condoms they stashed in the center console of my car, included two wrappers. when I asked them about the condoms they said it was to hand out to homeless people. right. always the saint. when I finally asked the mutual friend what happened that day, I found out that not only had arowyn cheated on me but they cheated on me IN and ON my car. the car I was about to be homeless in again, this time alone." statement given 11/18/24

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Avoiding Accountability

Avoiding accountability is the act of not accepting responsibility for one's actions or decisions, often by evading consequences or shifting blame to others. [source] A lack of accountability at work is when someone does not take ownership of an unproductive situation that results from their own actions and subsequent choices. [source] This can take the form of an outright rejection of them, or it can be an unwillingness to change. [source] The “4 Ds” for avoiding accountability are Deny, Deflect, Defend, and Diffuse. [source]

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Public Info

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